It's Complicated...

Is life really a box of chocolates? because I fail to believe so. My assorted box seems to have a couple of loose nuts (I hate nuts), and I'm gagging on them.
I know the people that actually keep up with this thing, probably think that I've turned into some kind of pessimist, but that isn't so. I still believe in God. He's still the head. I just am going through an unavoidable rough patch lately. It's just there. I can't move around it. I can't run away from it. God gave me super strength to bear it, but I want more than anything in the world to lurch it far away from where I stand.
And what's funny is, I've been writing this way- not blogging- since well before the day that I changed my life forever. Four times I've done that. But I don't regret the other three, God being number one. But it's funny how I never realized before that I wrote sadly about these things so much, before. Well, I didn't want to realize. Anyway, back to the first line of this paragraph. It's not funny. I'm drowning in hysteria here.
But hey, what else do you do when someone rips out your beating heart, kisses it and then...I can't even say the words. Unbelievable! At least, though, it'll never be turned to stone- I'll never let it. But what do you do when your mind is played with by someone who isn't even aware that their doing it? Pray and focus. But, no, what do you do when eight years of your life, a certain almost four in particular, gets demolished by Hurricane Your Choices. Undecided.
My internal battle. My internal struggle. Almost the roughest of my life, but, in the end, I WILL WIN...
So, all is well.

Untitled

What to write, what to write?
The things in my mind,
threaten to rewind, and persuade me
of a previous time
For my mistakes
Am I to pay so dearly
Paying with my sanity,
my emotional and mental welfare
What happened to the previous me
Glad she's long gone
I don't miss her any more than the men she dated
and the dirt she's done
Tresspassing into territory forgotten is risky
But I'm determined to find out when everything took that wrong turn
I'm me
Perfect as can be
Sweet, sweet, and more sweet
A Saint
Could do no wrong before that infamous evening
Where I allowed him to show me more attention than he
A foolish thing
Silly child what were you thinking?
But I'm not paying for that, no
Not for going out and acting like a...you know
It started way before then
Love just blinded my vision to see it
God,
how long will I be tormented in agonizing pain
Haunted by dreams of my sin
Missing the ministry I could've given her
Missing the way I could've helped save her from him
If I had just simply walking away
Dear God,
If you would, please!
Take this shattered heart of my mind and mend it
How many times can it be broken before it simply stays that way?
Wow-in you I just want to lay
Rest on a cloud
Swim through the sea of purpose
An artist that I am
Because you called me to be...
But first, you painted me
Which was a most magnificent work than anything I could ever do
But,
By no comparison,
Even the Mona Lisa has its flaws
Yeah, if you look closely you can see it
Beauty fades and changes with each passing day
But virtue will forever stay
I lost it
And gained it back anew
Thanks to The Most High
Though my purchase was more than I bargained for
Both of them were
I pray thee, God keep me...