Jezebel I Was

If a man can't love you for you, run! Even though my story is a little different, from the first line, I just thought I'd share.
I used to be the most conniving, decietful female ever. With the gift of reading people, before dating I would mold myself to be whatever the man I so desired was into. I may have not been the finest or the most popular, but I would always draw men in with conversation, causing most I've ever dated to think that they were in love with me, never truly finding out that they were in love with the image I portrayed myself to be. I can see us spending our lives together, I want you to have my baby-all in casual conversation! Hello? Am I missing something. So when I was no longer interested, assuming he was the only one at the time, I would slowly but surely bolt. (In actuality, I think I've only really been in love twice, and the one that I cherish, in the beginning, was on the account of having the best sex I've ever had...just being honest).
Although I did feel bad for vain arrows that were shot, love was a great game that I couldn't get enough of. I loved that men fell for me the way they did...until it back-fired...bad...and years after that I met my match...I was like God isn't it bad enough that my game back-fired, then I still had to have a run-in with the devil in cuff-links. You truly do reap what you sow, and man it sucks being on the other side of the railroad.
And through all that, sometime ago, I realized that I never really knew who I was for bending over backward to please a man in things I wasn't even interested in. So not to bore anyone, but it's my blog so...a little about the woman I am today:
Christian
Humorous and loves to laugh the same
Spontaneous (Though, I've pulled back some-lol)
A reader who dwells in the art of words
Loves to talk with someone who knows how/ lol
Days of dressing like a slut are over
Very opinionated
Singer
Designer (Someday I'll do something with it)
Loud (naturally) but Quiet (when I don't yet know what to think of a person)
Well this small list was more for me then the less than 1 percent of people that may actually read this. So cool beans...Also the old me is almost a mirror image of the herione in one the books I'm working on, Jezebel She Was. TTYL.

The Saying You Never Know What You Had Until It's Gone...

I've been pondering this thought for years...After being in an on again, off again relationship with my husband since the age of 13, we married when I was at the tender age of eighteen, a month before his twentieth birthday. I've always believed that we were meant, but a short while back I've realized that we did not really marry within the will of God. Having lived together for month unwed, me striving to be righteous and him leaning on my spirituality and trying to find his way, when God let it linger on me that the relations and living arrangements that I had weren't right especially when he was calling me to ministry, I told him. I was on my way to the army and I made it clear that I was moving on with my life and seeing how we had always talked about getting married, on June 1, 2005 we took the plunge.
Our lives together before marriage had been crazy and once we did get married, that did not particularly change. We fought and argued prior to, and fought and argued after. We had had problems with exchanges with the opposite sex prior to and the same after. At one point (or-let me not lie, several points) I had cried out to God, "Lord, what have I done?" I have dealt with the worst out of our relationship before and after marriage. Via some of the trials and tribulations I have been through as an individual and as a half, I am now stronger in Christ than I've ever been, and it seems to be that dealing with my husband is the only place I lack, or should I say being attacked (by Satan).
The other day I was reading "What the Devil Knows About a Woman That Most Men Don't" by J. Wesley Williams II and I was struck when I read:

I am sure that there are hundreds, if not thousands of women who can attest to the fact that wehn you met your man, he wasn't sure if he was coming or going. And even though you knew most of what he presented was abig frong, there was something about him you could not resist. You saw his potentetial. You saw his potential and his promise. If you were among the fortunate few women who actually found a brother who had his act together, it was because he was blessed to have his father to speak into his life. Unfortunately, the man who does not have a father or father figure in his life will most assuredly be asleep.

When I read that, it dawned on me. I most definitely saw my husband's potential; spiritually, career-wise. I saw the security that he would provide. I saw that despite his many short-comings, he did fear the Lord. He had grown up in the church but gained a relationship through watching my desire to be righteous. I saw that he wanted better for himself and did not want to resemble anything or most men that he had grown up around.

So I'm giving God the glory for the fact that He is:

- Striving to be righteous, despite the way I, myself have hurt him

- Definitely trying to work on his short-commings

- He believes in my success and supports me in my writing efforts

- Allows me to stay at home with the kids and work towards my dream

- A Mechanical Engineer (Awesome!)

- He loves children

- He loves me to the point...It would take forever to explain

- He has been there with me through the worst

- He does not try to run away whenever we have trouble

- He would do anything, that wouldn't shame God, to take care of his family...and the list goes on.

This is not saying that anyone should go out and deliberately marry outside of the will of God. If you are single allow God to guide you. Be righteous and true to God, both men and women and you will surely be rewarded. This is just to say spiritual or not, men are not perfect and most men that are in my life that are spiritual, and are not, all have their short-commings. I'm just grateful that in spite of the fact that we didn't exactly wait on God's timing, He was still gracious enough to work in our marriage and I thank Him and rejoice for my husband.

They say you never know what you had until it's gone. And besides his potential and the spiritual reasons I could not walk out on my marriage, this was the second thing that kept me grounded and when I'm angry beyond reason, I first, pray for strength, and second, a lot of the times I think of this. So therefore instead of lingering on the bad things, I keep this saying in mind and think about what I have, so that I'll never lose it.

God Bless you all!

Just a Note about the Election

Greetings,
I spent the better part of the day yesterday following the election. I don't have too much to say about it but I did notice how much all of the news anchors were talking about Obama bringing in the white voters as well as the blacks. It reminded me something of the fight for freedom that the slaves endured and the whites had took a stand and helped see the black people freed.
Indeed this will change America forever. The true status of our equality has been shown in this election and the reaction thereof.
I did not vote for Obama because he was merely black, but because of the promotion of change in America over McCain's. Had it been another black man whose views weren't up to par, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have voted for him. I don't intend to speak my whole opinion on the election. I'm more spiritual than political, but I will say that it is a beautiful thing to see. How it has affected black people all over the country, only God knows the depth.
I pray that God covers him and I'm confident that through God the change that all of us desperately need will come. God Bless you all!
Until this evening when I write again.

Foreword

As of now, I am twenty-one years, six months, and two days old. As of now, and for many years to come, I am an Inspirational Fiction Author. But for all eternity, I am a child of God, a wife and mother.
There are many things that I have been during years past, and also a time where I have even subcummed to temptation on this Christian journey of mine. The difference between the years past and when I had stumbled back onto a familar road, is that I had the knowledge of understanding of who God was in my life, and I loved Him enough to hear Him and repent and also to all the people around me. Sharing things with God was always easy for me, but the humility of letting others know of the thing I had done was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why am I starting off a blog this way? Because I am a very honest and open person. In this blog, I will go into very intricate details of my life; who I was, who I am, and where God is taking me. I believe that it's very important to express to the people of God and even those who don't know who He is, where He has brought you from. What He has done for you. In my young years, people wouldn't imagine some of things I have gone through. But I thank God.
I will express many things on here, in many different ways. All are welcome to read and I pray that everything written will be a blessing to each of your lives.