The Saying You Never Know What You Had Until It's Gone...

I've been pondering this thought for years...After being in an on again, off again relationship with my husband since the age of 13, we married when I was at the tender age of eighteen, a month before his twentieth birthday. I've always believed that we were meant, but a short while back I've realized that we did not really marry within the will of God. Having lived together for month unwed, me striving to be righteous and him leaning on my spirituality and trying to find his way, when God let it linger on me that the relations and living arrangements that I had weren't right especially when he was calling me to ministry, I told him. I was on my way to the army and I made it clear that I was moving on with my life and seeing how we had always talked about getting married, on June 1, 2005 we took the plunge.
Our lives together before marriage had been crazy and once we did get married, that did not particularly change. We fought and argued prior to, and fought and argued after. We had had problems with exchanges with the opposite sex prior to and the same after. At one point (or-let me not lie, several points) I had cried out to God, "Lord, what have I done?" I have dealt with the worst out of our relationship before and after marriage. Via some of the trials and tribulations I have been through as an individual and as a half, I am now stronger in Christ than I've ever been, and it seems to be that dealing with my husband is the only place I lack, or should I say being attacked (by Satan).
The other day I was reading "What the Devil Knows About a Woman That Most Men Don't" by J. Wesley Williams II and I was struck when I read:

I am sure that there are hundreds, if not thousands of women who can attest to the fact that wehn you met your man, he wasn't sure if he was coming or going. And even though you knew most of what he presented was abig frong, there was something about him you could not resist. You saw his potentetial. You saw his potential and his promise. If you were among the fortunate few women who actually found a brother who had his act together, it was because he was blessed to have his father to speak into his life. Unfortunately, the man who does not have a father or father figure in his life will most assuredly be asleep.

When I read that, it dawned on me. I most definitely saw my husband's potential; spiritually, career-wise. I saw the security that he would provide. I saw that despite his many short-comings, he did fear the Lord. He had grown up in the church but gained a relationship through watching my desire to be righteous. I saw that he wanted better for himself and did not want to resemble anything or most men that he had grown up around.

So I'm giving God the glory for the fact that He is:

- Striving to be righteous, despite the way I, myself have hurt him

- Definitely trying to work on his short-commings

- He believes in my success and supports me in my writing efforts

- Allows me to stay at home with the kids and work towards my dream

- A Mechanical Engineer (Awesome!)

- He loves children

- He loves me to the point...It would take forever to explain

- He has been there with me through the worst

- He does not try to run away whenever we have trouble

- He would do anything, that wouldn't shame God, to take care of his family...and the list goes on.

This is not saying that anyone should go out and deliberately marry outside of the will of God. If you are single allow God to guide you. Be righteous and true to God, both men and women and you will surely be rewarded. This is just to say spiritual or not, men are not perfect and most men that are in my life that are spiritual, and are not, all have their short-commings. I'm just grateful that in spite of the fact that we didn't exactly wait on God's timing, He was still gracious enough to work in our marriage and I thank Him and rejoice for my husband.

They say you never know what you had until it's gone. And besides his potential and the spiritual reasons I could not walk out on my marriage, this was the second thing that kept me grounded and when I'm angry beyond reason, I first, pray for strength, and second, a lot of the times I think of this. So therefore instead of lingering on the bad things, I keep this saying in mind and think about what I have, so that I'll never lose it.

God Bless you all!